I do a lot of shitposting online. Before cohost shut down, I preserved a few that I liked in a draft here. Now that over a year has passed it is time to inflict them on all of you!!
omelas
If no one has looked in on the misery pit in omelas how do you know if a child is there or not. You can’t. The waveform is only collapsed the moment you look. If you look and there’s no child, do all your experiences retroactively become the fruits of collective labour to create a utopia? If there is a child, are you robbed of agency over your own organizing work and it were irrelevant to begin with? These are the questions asked by those who walk away from Schromelas
this post brought to you by marvel’s midnight suns explaining to me that the “elder gods” are real and will answer my prayers but only to open locked doors in the overworld
God is real and answers my prayers anytime I want, as long as my prayer is to open one of 28 specific God Locks (G-locks) that he installed in the 1600s and hid collectibles behind. God fucking LOVES collectables(Godlectibles). It’s told in prophecy that if you find all 28 doors and ask god to open them he’ll give you a trophy(Gophy), but the prophecy also says that God is really lazy and reuses the collectables a lot, so most people already know where they are. My brother has a few he got when he was 15 and really into religion but he’s kind of embarrassed and hides them in the closet now. He says it was back during his God Prophecy(Gophecy) phase(Gophasecy) and he doesn’t really feel like God is putting as much effort into the 100% game as he did in ancient times. I’m told if you say stuff like that God will smite(Gite) you but he can only smite you while you’re praying(Greaying) to open one of the God doors(Goors) so he’s safe. This strategy is known as the “God 100% Trick”(Grick%) and a lot of famous religious critics executed on it before they really wound up their careers(Gareers) just to be safe(grafe
Dreams 1
I had a dream that I was at a Web design conference and looking at various signs directing con-goers to various clusters of booth specialities. Like “Web Security”, “Social Web”, etc
Anyway the sign that caught my eye was “Admonishing Web”
I cannot stop thinking about it. Admonishing Web.
What does it mean
Dreams 2
Dreamed Nintendo released a new 3d Mario game. Features:
- takes place entirely on boats on the ocean. Levels are boats. The overworld is boats. No land only boats
- features a robust “negotiation” system with npcs that allows you to cajole, bribe, or compete against them to get what you want out of them. If you commit too many crimes while doing this, such as bribing with illegal or dangerous mushrooms, you go to Mario jail
- always online multiplayer. Other players are constantly hitting switches that toggle things you’re trying to platform on. There’s no way to communicate so you just have to suffer
free awful marketing idea:
Sagat-themed “Fiber Uppercut” cereal
trying to explain how xianxia works
so you know how goku keeps getting more forms….. so imagine that he started out with a formalized list of them and was just kinda trying to work his way through it. also imagine that instead of flying around on a cloud he flew around on a sword
absolutely not
you: the NES/SNES are really old
me: mhm
you: the PS2/PS3 are old
me: impassive
you: sonic generations came out over a decade ago
me: crumpling into a ball on the floor no, no, no, no